A Guide to Literary Washington

Dear Writers Aspiring to Set a Story in Washington,

Thank you for your kind interest in our lovely state.  Please accept these local details for use in your story, to add verisimilitude and avoid internet mockery:

• The Great State of Washington contains multiple geographical regions.  We have desert. We have a rain forest.  We have mountains, and hills and islands and rivers and beaches and another mountain range and a bunch of other things.  It does not rain all the time.
• Note: The beaches don't generally have sand.
• Even the rainy places have warm sunny days.
• Vancouver, B.C. is north of Seattle; Vancouver, WA is south of Seattle.
• You can get a ton of different kinds of apples here.  We really like them.  The red delicious are sent out of state because they aren't good enough for domestic consumption.  (...That is a joke).
• Anthropomorphically speaking, Oregon and Idaho are our housemates; we share a spacious and somewhat dilapidated craftsman house, with tall ceilings and built-in bookcases around the fireplace and windows. Oregon is a libertarian hipster, who hates hipsters. Idaho just walked off the set of The Book of Mormon, and seems nice enough until suddenly, something-something, neo-nazis.  No one gets to mock these two except us.
• Alaska has the separate basement apartment and keeps weird hours, so no one ever really sees him/her (but there's always salmon in the fridge, really good salmon).  California lives down the block in a sort of arts-commune that may currently be on fire.  We occasionally team up with him/her to laugh at the east-coasters, but mostly we just complain about his/her driving. 
• Back before we were a state, we nearly started a war with Canada.  Over a pig. (Ok, it technically wasn't Canada yet.)
• We haven't always been awesomely progressive, but we like veering near it: women's suffrage in 1854? One vote away (in fairness, there were only, like, 15 guys voting on it at the time).
• Trees. Lots of trees.  We may have stolen part of Wyoming's and Montana's allotments.  Even the desert has tons of conifers.
• Yes, we did recently legalized pot.  Did you know we also have strict anti-smoking measures to protect indoor air quality?  Now you know.
• Also, Bill Nye. Ours.
• There is a town called George.
• Our state flag is green, because apparently the left wing took a time machine back to 1889.
• That bestiality stuff that keeps showing up in the "Know your state" memes? It's illegal and really not common at all. We promise.
• Forget 50 Shades of Gray.  We have two shades of gray: 'light winter sky', and 'darker winter sky'.  There are, however, at least fifty different types of rain (in the part that gets rain).     
• Our succession jokes are about one half of the state abandoning the other (Cascadia v. Inland Empire).  I don't actually know which one is leaving at the moment.  Sometimes, we propose 'swinging' with Oregon, but so far nothing's come of it.
• Yeah, we took D.C.'s name.  Serves them right, turning down our perfectly reasonable request to become the State of Columbia.  Keep it real, B.C.!
• Fun fact: our Canadians don't actually sound funny to us.  The speak normally, but have a lower drinking age and a few more hockey fans.
• If your Twilight fanfiction story involves colleges, consider these fun (public) options:
• University of Washington (UW, 'the UW' if east of the Cascades); flagship research institution in exciting, urban Seattle.  Lots of buildings named for Gates relatives. Branches in Tacoma and Bothell. Huskies
• Western (Washington University); right next to Canada, inevitably described as a 'private school education at public school tuition.'
• Washington State University (Wazzu, Washington State, WSU); chief rivals to UW;  likes football, beer, more beer.  Located on the Palouse (SE part of state) near Idaho. Cougars.
• Central, Eastern Washington Universities: no one remembers these. EWU is the eagles. 
• The Evergreen State College: hippie-school in the woods just outside of the state capitol. No grades and no football team, but very interesting and friendly people.  School mascot is the geoduck.
• There's also a number of private schools, mostly sectarian.  You might have heard of Gonzaga.  Local pronunciation: "Gone" "zag" (as in 'zigzag') "a".  Jesuit school in Spokane; basketball team is competitive.  Bing Crosby went there, but didn't actually graduate.  Although called the "zags", the actual mascot is a bulldog.
• Professional sports teams (we don't have more than one professional team per sport, and we 'share' with Oregon/Idaho/Alaska who have even fewer):
• Mariners (MLB, American League): have never even made it a World Series; almost always has some great players, had some truly amazing seasons in the late 90's, never lasts the post-season; based in SODO neighborhood of Seattle.
• Seahawks (NFL): Won the Superbowl the year before last, having qualified only once before that in 37 years of existence. Lost last year.  We still haven't taken down the decorations from the win.
• Sounders FC (MLS): Recent acquisition, small but boisterous fan base.  Shares a stadium with the Seahawks, just across the street from the Mariners.
• Supersonics (NBA): Formerly played at Seattle Center; left the state over a decade ago, and there's still bitterness over it.
•  Storm (WNBA): Still plays at Seattle Center's Key Arena; eleven play-off qualifications and 2 titles in fifteen years of existence.  No one remembers they exist.
• Major tourist attractions in Seattle include the Space Needle, Pike Place Public Market (ie, "The Market"), and the Fremont Troll.  Most locals do not spend large amounts of time at these establishments.  To add realistic detail, have your characters meet at/walk past distinctive but less famous landmarks.  In the Fremont neighborhood, for instance, there's a rocket ship, topiary dinosaurs. North America's largest free-standing statue of Lenin, "Waiting for the Interurban", Rapunzel (on the draw-bridge), and a post marking the Center of the Universe.
• The ferry system is pretty nice.  If your characters need to get to/from Seattle and the Oympic Peninula of any of the islands in Puget Sound, a ferry may be appropriate transportation. (More info here!)
• Wool flannel shirts are very comfortable, and popular among east-side people and some west-siders.  Just don't make every single character wear them unless your story's set in a lumber camp.